Toddler Valentine's Day Crafting

Hey, E? Want to scroll through Pinterest with me and find something fun to do together? You want to make these adorable heart shaped animals? One for all your friends? How sweet. Let's print the patterns!  

Oh, choose a different one to start with, Mommy doesn't do mice. 

Good choice! The hippo is adorable!

We can cut the pattern out together, trace it onto construction paper for you to cut out each and every piece, and then you can glue and tape it together. How lovely!

{Twenty loooong minutes later}

Great job, E! He's adorable! I'm so happy we could make him together. 

Wait, what do you mean you want to do more?! I think this adorable little hippo is perfect! 

Let's do something else. Anything else! 

...Oh, okay, fine. But this time I'm cutting. You can do all the gluing/taping. Okay?

More?!?!

You've got to be kidding me. Okay, okay, we'll wing it. 

Oops he's upside down. He'll live. 

What do you mean he needs eyes? He looks perfect with no eyes! Well, if you can find googly eyes I certainly won't stop you from gluing them on his face.

An honest mom's guide to new baby essentials

I've read countless Pinterest lists of Essential Newborn Items. They range from basic to excessive, crunchy to mainstream, and more often than not, flat out ridiculous. How did I survive without 25 pairs of newborn socks or the $1500 stroller?! I'll never know. Zulily had a New Baby Essentials shopping category recently that included items such as facial masks for guests to wear to contain their germs. Friends don't let friends share air with their baby.

The simple truth is that what is essential to me probably isn't essential to you. What was essential for my daughter was very different than what was essential for my son. At five months old, my dear boy has spent zero minutes in a stroller, sleeping in a crib, or bathing in a baby tub.

So what do you really need for that new bundle of joy? Here's my honest list.

5. Stain fighting super powers
Even if you embrace stains as works of art, kids have a knack for staining the one shirt that is actually semi-flattering that allows you to easily breastfeed in public. Or vomiting on those pants you tried on for thirty seconds just to make sure they'll work for the Christmas party. Or pooping all over the sofa during a midnight diaper change. OxiClean, Shout, or your all homemade mixture of peroxide, Dawn, and unicorn tears is your friend even when your baby isn't.

4. Strong Coffee
It still amazes me that anyone can function, let along parent, without this nectar from God himself. There's no shame in copious coffee consumption when you haven't slept in weeks, months, or years.

3. Fresh Air
Even if it's walking in circles around your back yard, fresh air can help you and baby recharge. It's my first line of defense against a grumpy baby or grumpy self. You might even get a few minutes of exercise while you're at it.

2. Sense of Humor
When the baby poos mid diaper change, causing both you and baby to need to bathe and change your clothes for the third time today, and it's not even 10am. And it's the only day this week you've actually showered or been dressed by 10am. Or when you wake your husband in the middle of the night and tell him to stop crying, not realizing that three week old infant is the one crying. Or when your toddler is out back butt naked while you obliviously snuggle your sleeping baby on the sofa. Or when the toddler wants you to sing "Let it Go" after an hour long tantrum. Or when you're so tired you walk the dog and don't realize you come back home without the dog. Or when you're at the grocery store to fulfill your donut craving and the stranger in front of you, upon hearing you still have 3 months of pregnancy to go, loudly exclaims, "Well, I guess when you're that short, baby has nowhere to go but straight out!" Or when your toddler completely photobombs your pictures of the baby even though she refused to join when you wanted her to. Or when you spend your Saturday night in the store checking out baby equimpent after the swing breaks. Or when your toddler, who is the most outgoing kid you know and an expert at cheesing it up for the camera, hasn't smiled for a professional photographer in the last two years. Or when the toddler, who is the reason you cosleep because she's never slept a wink in a crib, insists on sleeping in the crib when you set it up for the next baby. Or that week she spent every night on the new dog bed rather than her brand new pink ruffly big girl bed. Or when you're 37 weeks pregnant and your husband decides we need to scrap our list of baby names and start over. Or when you go into labor at 39 weeks and baby is born before you've come up with another name. Or when the baby empties an entire bottle of oregano on the dog. Or that day that was so long that you didn't realize you put the baby to bed without a diaper. Or when your husband graciously agrees to clean the bathtub when your baby is a few days old, and he ends up with a chemical burn from your organic all natural cleaner requiring two different steroids, an antibiotic, and an anti-inflammatory drug.  Need I go on? You're going to need to be able to laugh at yourself. You may very well cry first, but being able to laugh will help.

1. Mom Friends
Everyone needs a friend who will come over immediately the first time the baby falls off the sofa, who will come pick up your naked screaming baby so that you can take a nap, or heaven forbid, shower in peace for just a few minutes, who will laugh at you when necessary. Friends who show up with coffee and ignore your mountain of laundry, who treat your kids as their own, and who support your family even when they parent completely opposite of you. Friends who will laugh at you, cry with you, and help you survive your tiny tyrants.

Toddler Convos

Some recent toddler convos:

While talking to E about fleeing dangerous situations:

E: Well, I don't want to be safe. I want to stay. I want to fight the bad guys!
Mommy: We run. We let the policemen get the bad guys. Do you want to be a policewoman?
E: Why not doctors? Why don't they get the bad guys?
Mommy: Do you want to be a doctor that fights bad guys?
E: Why aren't we eating pancakes?

As she rolls up a napkin and shoves it in Daddy's pocket:
E: Here, take this to the birthday party for me. Then, if I get birthday party on my face, you can wipe it off.

While she plays:
Mommy: Oh what a tiny baby you have!
E: I know! She's so tiny! She's 300 pounds. She just came out of my belly. She's five years old but she'll be one at her birthday!

From a recent car ride now that we turned her forward facing:
Mommy, look, there are cars! It's dark in here. Why can't I see? Can we turn a light on? Why did you stop? Why is the light red? Do you like my sparkly shoes? Where is Xander? Is he home with Daddy? Why didn't he come? How far away are we? You can go now! I think you should go that way. Why didn't you go that way? Why don't we ever go that way? Well, yesterday, at the beach, we had ice cream. Can we have ice cream? There's still a bug on the car. Is he inside or outside? Why didn't you get the bug? Can I squash the bug? Let's wash the car. It's dirty. Is Xander awake yet? Is Daddy at work? I'm going to save this last piece for Daddy. Never mind, I ate it. Why did you stop? Why aren't you going? Let's go that way!

Bedtime conversations:

E: Daddy, can I sleep in Mommy's bed tonight?
Daddy: No.
E: Thank you so much! That's so kind of you!
Daddy: I said no.
E: Um, I don't think so.

Mommy: Why don't you go put on some play clothes?

E: Where are we going?!

Mommy: We're staying here. Just put on some clothes that can get dirty.

E: Okay. I'll go find a plain tutu.

Why having a three year old sister is the best thing ever

When Xander was born, the hospital pediatrician told me that optimum child spacing was 3 years 7 months. I was immediately filled with regret and remorse. Had I simply held off for nine more days, I could have given both E and Xander (Xe/Z/Xe Man) the best possible start on life. 

Actually, I couldn't have cared less. I was just happy to not be pregnant any longer.

And that doctor was a bit of a nut who told me I was her favorite mother of the day and that I was killing my child all within a five minute conversation, but that's another story.

Despite being a whole nine days off from some arbitrary, or possibly well researched, ideal, I feel that Z is greatly benefiting from having a sister that is 3 years, 6 months, and 21 days older than him.

1) He's learning to always be alert and prepared.

My friend mentioned that Z always looks a little stunned/scared. I'm pretty sure it is from never knowing when his older sister is about to pounce, squeeze him til he can't breathe while declaring her undying love for him, or pick him up when I'm not watching (not that I would ever let him out of my sight!) I'm fairly certain that one day hyper alertness and the the ability to sense the enemy approaching from a mile away could come in handy.

2.) He gets way cooler songs sung to him.

When I used to rock E to sleep in the middle of the night, I'd sing her sweet lullabies. My favorite went:

Hey beautiful girl
Daddy loves you
He loves you
Most beautiful girl
In the whole wide world

When I'm singing to Z, it's usually whatever song is in my head. Since E has been on a Tangled kick lately, he usually hears:

I'm malicious mean and scary
My sneer could curdle dairy
And violence-wise my hands are not the cleanest
But despite my evil look
And my temper and my hook
I've always yearned to be a concert pianist...

Clearly, he's benefiting from living with a three year old.

3.) His every move is well monitored.

E is always more than happy to check on him and make sure he's still sleeping. Having a first hand report is so much more helpful than the static filled monitors we had last time.

E: He's still sleeping! I didn't wake him up!
Me: Wonderful! Thank you!
(30 seconds later)
E: He's crying!
Me: What happened?
E: I opened his eyes for him. I think he wants to be awake.

So. Much. Better.

4.) He always receives attention and comfort when he cries.

E doesn't like Z crying and is quick to comfort him. She likes to hold a pacifier (that he hates) in his mouth and when all else fails she's willing to smother him to so the crying stops. Sibling love.

5.) He's developing a strong immune system.

E didn't get her first cold until she was almost a year. Thanks to a sister with the sniffles, Z got his first cold at one week.

6.) Z's three year old sister is always willing to test things out for him.

From his itty bitty clothes to the swing, Moses basket, pacifier, toy, or car seat, she's tested it all.

7.) Having a three year old sister guarantees that everyone takes care of Z properly.

She's very eager to correct your hold, your burping technique, and my nursing position. She keeps a very accurate account of his diaper output and his feeding schedule (I didn't even know he had a feeding schedule!) Without her devoted oversight, Z would be lucky to be alive.

I think we can conclude based on a research sample of one, that a three year seven month age gap is truly ideal... at least for the three year old.

Xander Zekiah's First Month

Dear Xander,

We've had the pleasure of knowing you on this side of the womb for a whole month already! You are a dream baby, perfectly content and very easy going. When you sleep you are floppy and when you're awake you are happy. From birth you have audibly laughed in your sleep and you already smile at your mama both in your sleep and when you're awake. I'm really hoping to catch your little sleep chuckle on video one of these days. In your first week of life you slept through the night twice and you've continued to sleep well.

You have rolled tummy to back more times than I can remember. The Dr says it's just a random movement and not a purposeful roll, but don't worry, Mommy and Daddy are well aware that you're simply advanced.

You still struggle with the whole nursing thing, slurping and gulping and choking until milk pours out your nose. You don't seem to mind, though, and you're already growing bigger. Tear.

You are still in Premie/Newborn diapers and are just starting to outgrow newborn clothes. Please stay small just a little while longer!

You have been everywhere in you ring sling or woven wrap, because we're just so excited to finally leave the house! You've been to market every week, church, walks downtown, parks, and birthday parties. You're happy on the go and like a good poolside nap. But really, who doesn't?

We love you and are so glad you're here!

Potty Training, Part 3

This morning I thought to myself, "I should write an update on our potty training." 

That was before E had three accidents today. It was the worst day we've had yet.

It's been two weeks since we started the process, and one week since she really grasped the concept and consistently used the potty.

Other than today, she's been doing really well. She still averages one accident per day, but considering she turned 18 months this week, I'm really pleased with her progress. I went into this with zero expectations, knowing that she's still really young and I'm really impatient but feeling she was ready if I was willing to teach. After way too much research, I was reassured that before the invention of disposable diapers many children were trained by E's age. Even now, many other countries potty train much younger than the US. Not saying this is good or bad, just that it's possible. One thing I knew for sure was that I was never changing a three year old's diaper if I didn't have to (barring physical/mental delays, of course). I was reassured by Bonni's video, that it's best to start before they "know too much" and then it can become a battle of wills. My little girl has a big personality and I didn't want to wait too long.

E's still mostly non-verbal but she has great communication skills. I credit our communication success with attachment parenting (*eye roll*) and being really in tune with her needs since birth, but I have zero proof for my theory and my parenting likely has nothing to do with it ;) I didn't talk until I was three, and was happy to let my older sister tell the world what I needed. 

Today we were in a parking lot and E arched her back and protested when I tried to buckle her into her car seat. I asked her what was wrong and she pointed to the flower beds, rubbed her fingertips with her thumb as she sniffed them letting me know she wanted to smell the shrubbery in the berm next to my car. She got out, sniffed, and then happily climbed into her seat to go home. Sign language at its best! But I digress. E can absolutely tell me when she has to use the potty. However, we're still about 50/50 for her telling me on her own versus me asking and her replying with a yes. Maybe once a day I still have to force her to sit and try when she doesn't want to because I know she needs to go, and then she will. (Side note, singing and playing games really have helped when she doesn't want to sit.) I'd love to get her telling me 100% of the time, because I think it would lead to less accidents in the long run.

She still has free access to a mini potty while we're home and she'll go use it by herself. This makes me nervous when we're out and about and she needs to tell me in time to make it to a restroom. I'm going to work on keeping training pants on her at home so she can learn that they're not a diaper and not to be used as such, but to hopefully help catch any accidents while we're out and about. We'll see how that goes.

She's been out with us a lot recently, and has done amazing when we're on the go. She had her first real accident away from home tonight, but luckily we were at the home of our close friends, and they were very gracious! I'm still a little afraid to leave the house with her, but she's proven herself [mostly] capable.

She still hasn't used an actual toilet, just her potty chair. Yes, it comes with us and she sits on it in the parked car. No, she's never actually done anything in the car, but it makes me feel more secure heading into a store when she's at least tried. Today I bought her a seat that sits on the toilet so she can get used to the real thing. So far she really likes it (it's the first time she didn't freak out when I put her on the toilet) but hasn't actually used it. This is a little challenging because we're usually downstairs and our only bathroom is upstairs. I plan to work with her on this over the next few days, though, in hopes of making outings a little easier.

So overall we've been doing really well. We've had some tears and some chuckles along the way, and we've learned a lot.

This morning while I was upstairs, E peed in her potty downstairs and then tried to carry it up to me so I could flush it. She made it halfway up our stairs before spilling the contents all down the bottom half of the stairs. Thanks, sweetie :) She really is adorable, and is digging the whole process. We're having so much fun watching her grow up!

Learning to Self Soothe

As a mama to a high needs infant who loved to be held 24/7 and took ninety percent of her naps in my arms or the Moby wrap (and the remaining ten percent in a swing), I've lost track of the number of times that well meaning friends, relatives, bloggers, and baby sleep experts have informed me that my baby would need to cry herself to sleep in order to learn how to self soothe. I have a book written by a sleep expert that informed me if she didn't learn this skill between four and nine months of age (if I remember correctly) then she would have sleep trouble her entire life. This advice sounded believable until I actually had her :) I can't say that I initially disagreed with the concept that self soothing is a learned skill, per se, but as a new mom I knew I wasn't about to force the process any time soon. I figured we'd just cross that bridge when we got there, whenever that happened. I've never known a five year old who needed to be nursed to sleep, so I wasn't too worried.

What I wasn't prepared for was E initiating the process of putting herself to sleep at sixteen months. One day she didn't want to be nursed to sleep for her nap. She wanted to be in bed, by herself. She did cry, but for the first time ever it was in a relaxing, getting settled sort of way rather than the full out war I had been used to, and in a few short minutes she was sound asleep. She didn't successfully get herself to sleep every day, especially if we had friends over or she felt she was missing something fun downstairs, and I always picked her up if the whimpering escalated to crying or screaming. Some days she still wanted me to help her out and I gladly rocked her to sleep, but after a few weeks of gradual toddler-led transition somehow my daughter decided she just didn't need me for nap and bedtimes anymore.

Now she loves going to bed and she decides when it's time to go upstairs to sleep. Today I actually took her outside to splash in some water to distract her from her desire to nap mid-morning. When she's ready, she'll grab my hand and guide me upstairs, lay still while I put on her diaper, and snuggle with her teddy bear as she lays her head on the pillow. Just this week she's started waving goodbye to me as I leave the room, almost as if to say, "get out of here already!" *tear* How did she grow up so fast?!

So now we have the benefit of a two minute nap time/bedtime routine. It almost seems too easy. Almost. And then we're away from home for the day and I remember why I liked the previous routine, aside from the obvious snuggles. No longer will she nurse to sleep and then stay asleep anywhere, anytime. She now has trouble getting to sleep anywhere other than her own (okay, my own) bed, except for the occasional snooze in the car seat. On Mother's Day when she was at Grandma's all day, she went the entire day with no nap whatsoever. It's been a bit of an adjustment making sure we're always home for nap time. Well, except for this week when we didn't leave the house at all for the purpose of potty training.

Fortunately, E's still super cuddly and makes sure to get all her snuggles in during the day. She gives amazing arms-squeezed-around-the-neck hugs that could melt even the iciest of hearts. I guess I'll have to forgive her for growing way too fast.

Puddles of cuteness

On a completely unrelated note, my beautiful baby has only had one accident since Wednesday morning. Potty training success! We'll see how it goes when we venture out of the house this weekend.

Potty Training Week 1

[This post is on potty training our 18 month old daughter. If you'd like to skip the nitty gritty details, come back tomorrow :) ]

Well, we've been at it a week.

I've learned a few things in the past week, the most important (in terms of training E) is that the kid doesn't pee when she's awake. E is a great eater, and she always has water available in her sippy cup. She asks for it if she can't find it, and I've never really given her drinking habits much thought until this past week. However, the first three days of training, she'd only go while awake about 3-4 times a day which made it really difficult for her to figure out what was going on.

This was only made worse by her latest sleeping habits. Last month we switched our runs to the mornings rather than the evenings. Running as the sun comes up is glorious, and it is a great start to the day. I highly recommend it! I'm miserable for the few minutes that I'm trying to wake up, but then the rest of the day I'm so thankful I did. I love getting my work out completed first thing, seeing Chou before he leaves for work, and getting an early start to the day. But this post isn't about running...

When we switched to morning runs, E's sleep schedule blew up. Seriously. She had been sleeping from midnight (I know, I know) to 8 or even 9am and taking a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. However, we get up before 5am to run, and she started waking at that time every day, whether or not we were running. This means she's now ready for a nap by late morning and will sleep 4+ hours without stirring at nap time, and then be ready for bed closer to 10 or 11pm. [Since she's never consistently napped until about two months ago, I really hate to wake her while she's napping. That time to work, clean, or veg is just amazing! Compounded with the fact that if I limit her to a two hour nap time she wants a second nap at 7pm. No good can come of that.]

And then out of nowhere she started waking for the day around 1-3am. Unfortunately this started on a week that we had another kid staying with us and we were unable to use E's room, because it was occupied by our sleeping guest. In the past, we'd put E in her room if she woke and wouldn't settle in the middle of the night and then 15 minutes later she'd be ready to settle down and sleep and we'd have no more issues. This time, though, we couldn't use her room when this started, she got in the habit of waking and not wanting to go back to sleep, getting worse as the week progressed instead of better. Ironically and utterly frustratingly, this meant we weren't in any shape to get up before 5am to run. 

For those of you who are more visual, E's days now look like this:

So now it's time to potty train, and we only have the pink areas shown above to work with while green areas are working against us since E's awake but in diapers. Inevitably she only has to go maybe once in between waking and nap time, and then two or three times between nap time and bedtime.

In hind sight I should have fixed the sleeping schedule before trying the potty training, but what's done is done. Instead I've been trying to decrease nap time, but inevitably for every 15 minutes I take off of nap time she seems to want to go to bed a full hour earlier, and then she's up even earlier in the middle of the night. Sigh... I've also been working really really hard to get her to drink more when she's awake. I spent the first three days of potty training trying everything to get her to drink. I tried milk, tea, homemade orange julius, and anything else I could think of. Nothing tempted her. We've drastically increased her salt intake and she now will occasionally drink watered down kombucha [fermented tea that we make], but only if it's in a coffee mug. Some days she'll drink black tea with honey and milk, but not always, and of course she won't go near it unless it's in a mug like mine. Needless to say, I didn't do much but clean up puddles of pee and tea for the better part of last week.

E's been a trouper through it all and didn't seem to care one way or the other when we started. She enjoys the extra attention and generally enjoys her little potty. We sing, play games, and dance while waiting for her to go, and she routinely brings her stuffed animals and dolls for their turn on the potty. Yesterday she protested her diaper at bedtime and she's been more adamant about taking it off the minute she wakes up, so I think she's starting to get used to the freedom and dry bum.

Most importantly, she does finally seem to be getting the whole potty thing. Yay!!! She had one accident when she woke up today (which is typical since she's been awake but wearing a diaper for hours at that point), but we caught everything else in the potty. For now we're going to stick it out a few more days and hope everything sticks before venturing out diaper free. I'm still not 100% sure we're going to be successful this round, but I'm increasingly optimistic. Wish us luck :)

The Potty

This is it. This is the week we're buckling down and not leaving the house until E masters the potty.

I was originally thinking I'd wait until June, but it's time. E knows exactly what her potty is for and has been able to get on and off by herself for awhile now. She's perfectly capable of using it, just entirely unmotivated. The determining factor is that her diaper rash came back in full fury. It first appeared several months ago after I switched to Eco Sprouts detergent. After treating her bum with grapefruit seed extract and raw coconut oil while simultaneously treating her cloth diapers, we got rid of the stubborn rash only to have it resurface last week. Everything is under control again, but I've had enough. I don't know if the rash is caused by the new detergent or if it has been hibernating in the diapers, but I'm hoping not to stick around long enough to find out. E is more than ready to move on and I just need to muster all the patience in my being, put on a nice plastic smile, load up on chocolate for both of us and get it done. 

For some extra motivation I ordered some adorable training pants that will hold small accidents, seeing that E is still young and we will need them when leaving the house for the next few weeks.

I'll be starting Tuesday afternoon and hope to be making significant progress by the weekend. My hope is to put her on her potty every thirty to sixty minutes for the first few days and give her chocolate and/or stickers for every successful act until she is motivated to do it herself. (When the rash first appeared a few months ago, I got out the potty just to see what she'd do, and she used it first try. She had days where she'd use it up to 70% of the time, and days where she didn't use it at all. So now we just need to make her want to use it because we know she can.) I'm planning on keeping her in diapers for naps and nighttime for as long as it takes for her to wake up dry and make it to the bathroom. I'm thinking she'll get the hang of naptime pretty quickly, but I'm not in any hurry for now.

So... now I have to stick to the plan since it's been made public ;) ...or we'll just try again in a few months if all the patience in my being just isn't enough, which is a distinct possibility.

Today I'll be running all my errands for the week and getting some fun activities for us to do at home. Container gardening, anyone? 

Off to load up on wine and chocolate to get me through... :)

Here's the before picture. Hopefully we're still smiling for the after!

Dominoes

Ever have one of those days that's actually going somewhat according to plan? These are pretty rare for me :)

We got a late start on errands this morning because E actually slept in! She slept for a full nine hours last night, which is a huge improvement over to her typical six to seven hours. I was happy for the extra sleep and was still able to beat the lunch crowd at Central Market, so no harm done. We found everything we needed for the coming week, ran into a few friends, and snatched an iced raw cacao latte on our way out. All was going well and I happily breathed a sigh of relief for a successful unassisted market trip. Normally Chou and I go together (or occasionally Chou goes alone) on Saturdays because it's a lot to carry all of our groceries and E by myself. The stroller is really helpful for both the baby and the food, but it's challenging getting it into the market, not big enough to carry a week's worth of food, and almost impossible to navigate through the isles on a busy Saturday. Solo trips to market are challenging, so I was pleasantly surprised with how well we pulled it off this morning.

And then we got home.

Like Dominoes, everything came crashing down, piece by piece.

Cali, our wonderful dog, had gotten sick from one end of the dining room to the other.

In a feeble attempt to keep E out of the mess, I sat her down with the iced latte (it was pretty much a raw chocolate milk) while I grabbed everything from the car. I got our milk and meat into the fridge and just left the produce next to the door to deal with later. I ran upstairs for some towels and carpet cleaner, and came down to a puddle of chocolate in front of E. Clearly I should have known better, but at least I already had the towel and cleaner in hand.

I moved E to a chair and gave her a kefir smoothie while I tackled the mess. She sat and peacefully ate her lunch, and then asked to get down when she was done. I put her in the living room with strict instructions to stay there while I continued scrubbing the carpets. She's at an age where she's testing every word I speak, so she put one foot into the dining room, and gradually inched closer and closer to me, giving me an ornery little grin as she went. After a death glare from me, she gave up and sat down with some toys.

Not more than five minutes later, as I was finishing up with the carpets, I looked over to see her sitting in front of an open container of strawberries, red dripping out of her mouth, down her hands, and onto the carpet. Upon further inspection, she had taken at least one bite out of half the strawberries in the container.

At this point all I could do was laugh and grab a camera and a bib.

Somehow her brand new shirt came out unscathed. Miraculous! Her khakis weren't quite so fortunate.

And my carpet cleaner is AMAZING!! It completely took out the stains from the dog, the chocolate, and the strawberries. We use Sol-U-Mel from Melaleuca which is an all natural cleaner made from tea tree oil. I can't recommend it enough! We have very light carpets, three dogs, and a toddler. This stuff gets a workout in our house, and has yet to meet a stain it can't remove.

PS Mom, I need another bottle!

Parenting Beyond Babyhood

Last week's sermon was on conflict resolution, on the importance of fighting through conflicts. Fighting fair and growing as a result. Fighting with loyalty and kindness. 

It's not a subject I'm usually all that interested in, and frankly it's not at the top of my priorities. Chou and I are both relatively laid back, and while we certainly have disagreements, it's rare for any rift to last longer than a day; a good night's sleep and we're back to normal. I wouldn't say that we avoid conflict (although it can happen), but it generally dissipates rather than erupts. We're a pretty even keel household. Even so, I greatly appreciated the message and it really encouraged me to fight through conflict in my marriage.

Since Sunday, however, I've been realizing that there is quite a bit of conflict in our home. It crept in slowly, but it's here to stay. Countless times every day we have expectations that are not met, and conflict arises. Our conflict is not in our marriage, though. It's in my daily interactions with my adorable 16 month old. Life with a toddler is no walk in the park. 

snuggling 2 month old E

I have always loved babies. There's something so precious, innocent, and inspiring about snuggling and soothing an infant. It melts my heart. Their tiny toes, small coos, and lopsided grins in their sleep woo me every time. Not surprisingly, I just couldn't get enough of E when she was born. She came home from the hospital at 5lbs 11oz and just craved cuddles. E was never the infant who would sit in a seat and watch the world go by. For the first few months of her life, she screamed at the top of her wee little lungs from the moment she was laid down, getting more angry and unsettled by the minute and therefore making me more upset by the minute, until the moment she was picked back up. You can imagine the car rides! We started cosleeping so that we'd all sleep, rather than all cry. E was rarely put down for the first several months of her life, which made her one happy(er) baby and me one happy mama. Baby cuddles are just good for the soul!

Fast forward a few months and we've now officially moved beyond those tender baby days and are in the throws of toddlerhood. My little girl still loves snuggles (she's sleeping with her head on my shoulder as I type). She's gotten so much more content and can entertain herself for hours (if I'm lucky) while I work from home. She loves to sneak up on me and giggles as she approaches. She likes to feed the dogs, pat their heads, and enthusiastically draws my attention to them when they're misbehaving. She loves trying new foods. She's inquisitive and brave and will do just about anything, whether I approve or not. For the first time in her life she's taking somewhat consistent naps. Praise God!!

At the same time, she's learning about free will. She's starting to decide if she'll listen to me or if she'll laugh in my face as she disobeys. She's starting to protest when she doesn't get what she wants immediately, when her eggs take too long to cook, or when she'd rather run through the store than patiently hold my hand. 

These past few months have revealed not just how amazing infancy is, but how intuitive it was for me! I went with my gut and generally didn't over analyze parenting decisions. I'm great at the mindless bouncing, snuggling, feeding, and rocking to sleep. I like working hard to get a sweet little smile. I can handle frequent night feedings. I can make my baby feel loved and secure. Infancy obviously had its challenges and was a 27/4 job that took over my entire life, but having a toddler often requires me to go against my gut, which can be so much more challenging. 

My instinctual reaction to her unwanted behavior is most often "no" or "stop" or "wait ten minutes til I have time to deal with you". I'm learning that these are so unhelpful to both of us in the long run. Obviously there's a time and a place for these, but they get me nowhere as a sole parenting philosophy. Instead, we're learning to get creative, to help shape behaviors we desire, enlisting her cooperation and helping her learn. She's started sorting laundry instead of unfolding it, feeding the dogs instead of eating their food, helping with dishes rather than standing in front of the sink crying to be held, putting her own toys away rather than hiding various household items all over the house. Well, mostly. I just pulled my credit card out of the dogs' toy bin and a fork from my peace lily. But we're working on it.

mischievous grin

I try hard to set myself up for success in parenting this tiny person, making her feel loved and valued while shaping her behavior and character. I know that conflict with a toddler is unavoidable, but we really try to minimize it as much as possible. E's so much more obedient when well rested, well fed, and well cuddled (Well cuddled? Whatever. You know what I mean.) Even so, conflict arises. Countless times throughout my day I need to stop myself from the easy "no" and search for solutions to unwanted behaviors. This means my dishes are left soapy and unrinsed while I'm working through the latest tantrum, and my makeup is still half done as I'm redirecting her busy hands to something age appropriate. Helping a little girl navigate life is time consuming and often inconvenient. Every cry, tantrum, unwanted act, and disobedient behavior requires my analysis. How do I resolve it with loyalty and kindness? Is it best to discipline, to redirect, to ignore? Is she acting this way because she's tired, hungry, ignored, doesn't know better, or is willfully disobedient? What am I going to do about it? What worked yesterday? What didn't? And afterwards, was that really the best way to handle that situation? Did E learn what she needed or did I take the easy way out that's going to cost us big time tomorrow? Am I modeling behaviors she should be learning? Did I expect too much from her? Or too little? Am I screwing her up for life? 

There's nothing mindless about parenting a toddler! We're learning on our feet and trying not to mess up too terribly as we go. But it's a fight that is so worth it! We will fight with her, for her. We will fight fair and we will all grow.

Laundry

Laundry is one task in our house that is always in process. Between three people, three dogs, and cloth diapers, there's always something to be washed.

Generally we're pretty good with the washing part. And usually the drying part. And occasionally the folding. And rarely the putting away. Clearly, there are just too many steps to laundry.

I really, really like for laundry to be folded and put away, but it just doesn't always happen. We're busy, and putting the laundry away is the one task that all too often gets bumped. Until it's time to do more, and we need the laundry basket. Ooops.

We often wash the bulk of our laundry on the weekend, and this past week was no exception. By Sunday evening I had everything washed, dried, and folded. If you've ever tried folding laundry with a toddler in the house, you know this is no small feat. (There are actually a bunch of memes floating around the internet comparing this to organizing papers while a fan blows or brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. You get the point.) I've been learning that E is always willing to help, I just need to try to show her how to be helpful. She naturally wants to be with me, doing what I'm doing. So rather than her "helping" by throwing all my not-so-nicely folded laundry onto the floor or emptying the basket faster than I could fill it, I showed her how to put all the underwear and matched socks into the basket. This simple task kept her occupied while I tackled the rest of the pile.

Yesterday I actually put away all the laundry. Score! It's a great feeling knowing that I can grab my clothes from my drawer rather than digging through the basket. Of course, this could easily be my reality every week if I made the time for it, but, well, yeah...

This morning as I was getting dressed, I opened my drawer to grab a pair of clean underwear, but my drawer was empty. I peaked into my sock draw and found it equally bare. After searching the rest of my dresser and not finding any of my missing clothes, I turned around and found the contents of both drawers on the other side of the bedroom, back in the laundry basket.

Thanks for your help, dear girl!

Raising a Foodie

E at 12 months eating an artichoke leaf

I like to think that I'm raising a foodie. E makes me proud with her love of health food. She has always loved fruits and veggies, kefir smoothies, and meats. If given a food that has kale mixed in, she always picks out the kale to eat first. Love it! She drinks homemade stock regularly and loves strongly flavored foods like raw onions and garlic, sauerkraut, curry, and chili. She happily devoured a [pathetic, tasteless, clearly not local or in season but we couldn't resist] dragon fruit we got at market the other week. E absolutely loves trying new foods.

E wasn't really interested in food at all until around 10 months when we started some hybrid of baby led weaning (BLW) and traditional solids. I wasn't in a rush to start foods and she wasn't in a rush to do much more than taste anything at all, so we found holding off a few extra months worked really well for us. [I wasn't in a rush knowing that breastmilk is a complete food for the first year of life. This isn't the case with formula, though.] When we did finally introduce foods, we started with fruit and introduced one food at a time, but we let her feed herself with everything soft, small, and easy for her to grasp. She loved peas, melon, and well cooked carrot sticks. Using this method and letting her try pretty much anything she wanted while not forcing any foods, we encouraged an incredibly adventurous eater who now will gladly eat pretty much anything. She's never had "kid foods" like hot dogs, chicken nuggets, or PB&J, and we're hoping to keep it that way. I like to think that maybe we did something right, although I realize there's still plenty of time for her to turn into a picky eater.

 

We used cold apple slices as natural teethers, and when E's teeth came in around 10 months, she started to be able  get really tiny pieces to eat.

I've been pretty confident in our feeding methods so far. And then I got a nice dose of humility the other morning when E ate a bar of soap. Not only did she take a nice big bite, but she went back for more. Suddenly I'm doubting my methods. Maybe she doesn't love Brussels sprouts, maybe she just doesn't have any taste buds. Maybe she needs all the terrible sugar and refined crap foods to give her a taste for sweetness, and realize not all foods are bitter (a completely irrational thought considering her love of all fresh fruit). Okay, not really, but seriously, who eats and enjoys soap? We know what discipline methods won't work when E says dirty words. 

We obviously won't be ditching our (mostly) healthy diet anytime soon, and I plan on making sure E gets the best nutrition possible to counter her toddler soap, dirt, and dog food eating adventures. And I guess it's time to break down and finally buy some all natural soap.

Valentine's Day 2013

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. Just when you think there's no way sugar can be morphed into something more disgusting than a Peep, Valentine's Day brings conversation hearts. Nastiness! Sure, as a kid I loved getting a card in the mail from Mommom and cute little puzzle from Aunt Jenn, but the whole idea of having a day set aside for romance is just not my thing. I have long felt that one day of sweet gestures and romance can't make up for a lack of it the rest of the year. And if it's present all year long, then why do we need a special day for it? Admittedly I'm not one for ooey gooey romance and never will be, but of course I like feeling special. I love getting flowers from Chou! But I love them so much more when I walk downstairs and am completely surprised by them, because it's just a normal Tuesday, and Chou thought of me! All by himself. No prodding from Kay Jewelers or Hallmark. That makes me feel special. And Chou's really great at that! All. Year. Long.

Needless to say, we don't normally do to much on Valentine's Day. This year I decided to decorate because pink is fun and I hate how empty my house is all winter once I take Christmas decorations down. But I didn't have time. I saw a cute post on using pureed beets to make pink heart pancakes, so I bought beets to help us be just a little festive. And then I remembered E won't eat pancakes, pink or not. Have I mentioned Valentine's Day just isn't my holiday ;)

E's G.G.Mom bought her a cute little ballerina outfit when she was born, and I've been meaning to catch a few pictures now that she's grown into it. Valentine's day was as good a day as any. So while we didn't do anything extra special or different, we had a great day! E dressed up for a few minutes, we took a walk through a favorite park as a family, and we ate a great home cooked meal for dinner. Chou and I even split a glass of wine. Livin' it up ;)

Here are a few pictures of our all-out Valentine's Day... :) And yes, even with a dslr, the easiest way to catch repeatedly decent natural light pics of this active girl is to put her on a chair.

this is begging for a caption contest

 

bad dogs!

bad baby!

she was done with pictures once she was actually dressed. she's squishing her teddy bear between her back and her chair, hence the awkward position and cute little belly.

  

A highlight of our day was an adorable card E got in the mailbox from our neighbor. Yeah, the picture quality from my Blackberry Storm 2 is unparalleled, haha.

And just because she's too cute not to share, here's a pic from 2012:

And for those of you who just love Valentine's Day and everything it stands for, might I suggest my amazing sister's blog post.